Update denied by mods.
My wife has been vegetarian-ish as long as I’ve known her (ten years), but last fall she made the leap to full vegan. I was (and am) very supportive of her not eating meat before the change and have been very supportive of her since then.
We have three kids aged 7 to 1. My wife and I agreed that, while veganism is the right way for ethically conscious adults, it currently does not meet the nutritional needs of growing children in the same way an omnivorous diet does. We’ve seen the horror stories of children and pets starving and dying at the hands of vegan parents and are staying far from that. Our agreement means our kids eat a regular omni diet and my wife doesn’t have to prepare any meat. Simple.
My middle kid will be five next week and my wife is spearheading the whole event. Today she started trying out cake recipes. I’m usually the taster and provide feedback as honestly as I can. Tonight there was a cake cooling and she told me she’d let me try it as soon as it cooled and she’d made frosting.
I tried the cake. It was off. I was confused for a moment, then it hit me.
Me – “Did you adapt this recipe to make it vegan?”
Her – “Yeah I figured I needed to start now if I wanted to have something workable by the party.”
I put the cake down. “Why are you making a vegan cake? None of the children are vegan.”
She became defensive. “I wanted to make sure there were options, I don’t know what everybody’s diet is like.”
Me – “Are you making a non-vegan cake?”
Her – “No I just wanted to make something everybody could eat.”
Me – “You’re the only vegan who will be at the party.”
Her – “You don’t know that, other parents could be too.”
Me – “But none of the kids are.”
Her – “So what? I’m going to be at the party too.”
Me – “Right, but it’s not your party and you’re not a guest. You forcing everybody to eat vegan when it’s not your birthday is extremely selfish.”
This turned into a fight. I’m an asshole, she’s disconnected and selfish. She refuses to see how her refusing to make anything not vegan for our child’s birthday isn’t insane. Finally she told me that I should make the fucking cake and stormed out of the room and refuses to talk to me. She’s set up shop in the guest room and I’m sleeping alone tonight.
I’ll admit to saying petty shit as she walked away. “Can you even hear yourself? “Hey kids, the only cake is vegan, there are no alternatives. I’m not forcing veganism on you, but if you don’t choose the vegan option then you get nothing. Happy birthday son.””
I will make the cake, I don’t have a problem with that. I’m not half as talented but I’ve done it before and I’ll do my best. My son is starting kindergarten in the fall, I know he’s nervous and I want him to feel confident and excited with all his friends around him.
AITA for telling my wife she’s selfish for refusing to make our son a non-vegan birthday cake?
Edit: Seeing all of the responses to this post has made me take a hard look at my position. I still think it’s dumb that she is refusing to consider a non-vegan cake, but all year our kids have gone to birthday parties and she’s had to stand quietly aside, eating nothing, having no cake. I understand how ostracized she has felt and she just wants to be included. I’m going to apologize to her and help her make the best vegan cake as best I can. I’ll make a non-vegan to go with it, it won’t be good but it’ll be there. I love my wife and this isn’t the hill I want to die on.
Say what you want, but to me this is a NAH situation. Thanks for helping me come to my senses.
